... It's harder, particularly when you know that all your colleagues know your blog and are scrutinizing your every action, hell-bent on finding something to laugh at.
So they know my orientation, they know my past, they know my thoughts now, what would a real friend do if they knew?
For some, it can be just plain gossip-mongering
For others, it can be something to ponder about
For the rest, it can be just plain nonsense.
But I wonder. If someone laid open his history in front of you. Will you still be able to look him in the eye and say that nothing will change?
- I guess not.
At least I have my own section to take care of.. far from the main institute and from the AVA room..
If I have to be a loner again, I'll be. And I can be quite good at it...
=)
There are many lessons I'm learning while serving my vocational period in NS
1) When somebody calls you a "garang soldier", that is an insult
2) When you do a good job for somebody, you'll not be credited for it, you will not be appreciated for it, and to rub salt in, be prepared for twice the workload soon, with double the effort expected.
3) When you do something good, announce it to the entire world. With emails, memoirs, notes, messages, calls, loudspeakers, PA system, radio - whatever means possible. When you do something bad, the gods hear instantly. But when you do something good it's pin-drop silence up there.
You see? Army teaches me alot of life lessons.
Well, Andy may have advertised my entire blog to my department, which may be a good thing to get more hits on my blog anyway.
sigh... I havn't been running much recently. I hardly can get any proper sleep at night, to the point that I'd snooze in camp.
- I don't normally snooze in camp.
Nicholas *(my younger bro) has found himself a girlfriend. TA-DAH. Geez. He spend hours talking to her on the phone till wee early hours in the morning, coz he can afford to.
Nobody bothers to turn off the air-con anymore for some reason, making it extremely cold at night.
[it's a complete hassle for me to turn off the air con, cause I'd have to climb down my ladder, turn off the air con, climb up back to my bed, and then i'll be all irritated and bothered]
Well.. one thing I can say for sure, I've learned that it is never a good thing to talk so much on the phone at the beginning of a relationship, coz it can be a good reason to use for break up later on.
~ ok. for some people it may be a good thing.
but. the common reason "we... we... we just don't talk anymore" *gestures* "there is no more... communication between us anymore don't you see?"
is used so frequently it's becoming cliche.
Alvin and I are also on rocky roads... We're arguing so much nowadays over the smallest matters just because our opinions differs so vastly..
Some things that are just so obvious to me strikes him as illogical, while things that matter to him are closed to me....
... he blames me for being insensitive...
Am I?... I always thought of myself as being oversensitive to the point of bewilderment to some people.
How do I become sensitive when I know what he needs, yet, I'm unable to do anything about it?
I can't stretch time and hold the clock... my schedules are so full it's killing me...
.... He blames it on church... That I spend almost 75% of my weekends in church...
.... He blames it on camp... That I help people out too much at my own expense...
... I can't help it if my time is just stretched so thinly...
it's stretched so thin that it hurts...
I cannot reject church or camp duties... Yet... sigh..
I think I gave him the wrong impression that I'm a very free person coz the 3 months prior to my enlistment was completely free... free to spend 90% of my time with him...
... to wait for him to finish school
... to go out with him almost every other day...
... to talk and play games with him till late...
I just feel like pushing everything away if I ever could...
maybe I should just go like AWOL and quit the band totally..
leave everything and everybody.... and just be alone for awhile...
TAURUS - The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20) Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings that are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums.. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.
PISCES - The Dreamer (Feb 19 - Mar 20) Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative..May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details. Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser.
unrealistic and stable are at opposing ends
secretive and expressive are at opposing ends
boring and imaginative are at opposing ends
stable and vague are at opposing ends
the only thing we have between us that fits is love. isn't it?
prove to me. that love is all it takes...
the world has taken from me that reasoning, and experience tells me otherwise...
.... sigh..
